Chicken Nuggets

Over the last couple of weeks, when I had a weakness for something, ANYTHING fast food oriented ... my mind instantly turned to chicken nuggets.  And not all, but some days my car also turned for chicken nuggets.  As in, turned in to McDonalds and went through the drive thru.  Chicken nuggets come in all sorts of sizes including 10 and now a 50 piece I believe?  (That must be for party platters.)  99.2948% of the time all I needed was a 4 piece (I do have some will power even though my car does not!), but it was at one point when I was driving home, the white golden arches bag nestled so preciously on the seat next to me just waiting to be opened, when I thought ... "Why chicken nuggets?"

One of my fondest childhood memories is spending time with my Grandma.  My Mom and Dad divorced when I was young, and thankfully since my Grandma lived so close I was afforded the opportunity to spend time at my Grandparent's house while my Mom worked a full-time job.  McDonalds was a hop, skip, and a jump from their house, so the station wagon made frequent trips to Micky Ds.  When my Grandma pulled up to the drive thru speaker, out of formality and as to not risk the chance of me throwing her a curve ball, she'd ask me "Heath, what do you want?"  But my reply was always "chicken nuggets!"  Oh I loved them so.  And don't forget the sweet and sour sauce, which if they did my Grandma would have no problems about calling them up afterwards and reaming them out and, in the process, getting free fries the next time we fancied our way over to the golden arches.  But regardless of how the trip fared, I always had that memory of getting chicken nuggets with Grandma.  My Grandma passed away in October of 2008.  Still seems hard to believe that she's gone.  Aside from my Mom, she was and always will be one of my biggest cheerleaders (I know, for a fact, that she still rings her cowbell for me from Heaven).

Emotional eating.  Ever experience that?  Who hasn't, right?  That's been one of my biggest challenges throughout this journey - finding a way to combat emotional eating and the urge to turn to food when life gets complicated.  And recently, I think my way of connecting to my Grandma has been through chicken nuggets.  When I bite in to one, I honestly have had flashbacks to being a kid and being with her.  And part of me wants to savor that flashback, but part of me knows that it's not the healthiest flashback to have.  Part of me feels like if I abandon chicken nuggets altogether, I'm abandoning that memory I share with my Grandma.  I guess I should be grateful my Ronald McDonald obsession wasn't Big Macs, huh?  But with all this being said, I'm left to ponder, "What is worth holding on to, the memory or the calories?"  We all will have had or will have moments when the idea of food being our comfort is more appealing than anything we can imagine.  But what do you do with that moment?  Do you walk in it and stay awhile, or do you walk away and accept that you can still have emotions, good or bad, and not have to edibily (is that a word?) comfort yourself?  And what happens if you stay awhile and eat your emotions?  How do you feel after?  Speaking for myself, I feel horrible.  Eating 4 chicken nuggets or a tub of ice cream or a bag of chips or a whole block of cheese won't change how you FEEL.  It just diverts whatever emotions you're feeling to the idea of yummy somethings in your belly.  In that moment while you make out with whatever might be your comfort food of choice, you're feeding yourself with extra calories and depleting your mind and body of strength.  Which do you want to last the longest?

Will I never have a chicken nugget again?  Of course I will.  I'm not even going to try and claim innocence there.  But can I try to recognize when I'm confusing a wise food choice with a bad one because of some memory or emotion that will still exist after the sweet and sour sauce has run dry?  Yes, I can.  We all can.  If you're going to make a food choice that you know is high in calories or fat or carbs, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons (that are right reasons to you and only you) and that, afterwards, you're able to own what you did and not beat yourself up over it and allow that moment of "edible bliss" to detour you from the bigger picture.  Some might ask "does that taste as good as skinny feels?" (Which is one saying I've never really cared for, for some reason.)  But my response is that if you've never been skinny, then it sure as hell does taste better!