I was asked that question today by a woman whom was standing near me after the race. Actually, I asked her to take my picture and then we got to chatting. She was an older woman and, according to her, "I used to live in Germany and we'd walk these 10Ks every day ..... but then I stopped doing it, ya know how that goes." Yes, I do know how that goes. What tipped you off? .... the fact that I didn't finish the race at the front of the pack or the additional floatation devices located around my midsection, upper arms, inner thighs (must I go on?)? But any way you look at it, yes, I do know how that goes. I'm about to walk back up the steps of the stadium, get out of the muggy sun because I was sweating enough already, and she says to me "So, who did you run for?" Without thinking I replied, "myself." I thought nothing of my response, it was the truth wasn't it? But she looked at me kind of inquiringly and said "yourself? OK" and we parted ways. I got to the top of the stadium steps and decided to have a seat before I left, and as I was taking in the surroundings and what I had accomplished that morning, I kept thinking "was it wrong of me to say I ran for me?" Immediately it made me think of life - how we're often told to put others before ourselves, etc. Does that have some validity to it? Of course it does. But, does that apply to what I accomplished this morning? Is this journey for someone other than myself?
Even though that nice woman's question still leaves me pondering this evening, I've come to the conclusion that yes, it is quite alright for me to have ran that race for ME. In fact, it's quite alright for this entire journey to be for ME, too. If I'm not doing it for myself, who am I doing it for and what good will it do? We are born in to this world alone and we will exit this world alone, so although I'm not encouraging anyone to suddenly turn selfish on the world and all your loved ones, I am encouraging you to accept and embrace that your health and your life IS for you. Look at it this way, if you spend your entire life trying to make others happy, and never given a second thought to making sure YOU are happy, what does that do for you? Sure, some people say that seeing and helping others have joy, in turn, makes them have joy. I get that. I'm very much a people-pleaser myself. But what I've grown to learn and accept on this journey is that it is OK, actually more than OK, to commit to a better you for you. It's OK to tell someone you can't do something to help them because you're going to the gym. It's OK to say "no thanks" so something yummy someone made if it makes you uneasy about staying on track with your food intake. It's OK because this journey (and I use that term lightly because we all have journeys, and even though my journey might not be your journey .... we're still marching on in attempt to find solid ground) is for you and I. So, if at another race I am asked "Who did you run for?" I can confidently say that my response would be the same ..... I ran for me.
